Thanks to the Internet, I found links to people whom I haven’t met or talked to in years…and then I realize that I have absolutely no inclination whatsoever to get back in touch. The dust has settled and I have no interest in raking the dust pile again. Even so, there’s a twang of sadness and regret in my heart. One filled with lost hope and the meaningless wish for a life I was not meant to have.
I need to snap out of it.
It’s a like a poison, this envy thing, that slowly eats into your vital organs if you allow it to fester. Soon I’m thinking I’m no good, I’ve got no talents, no gifts, no money, no high-flying career, no car, no body, no looks…this really sucks. I read somewhere that things like these happen when we leave the door slightly ajar for the evil one to plant such thoughts and feelings and then allow them to grow by indulging and entertaining them. And they always come fast and furious in ways least expected. All that scheming devil needs is a little, teeny weeny gap to work his way into our unconscious and before you know it, it blows up into a full-fledge self-induced pitying session. Pui.
So anyway, pray with me ya. I’ve got a lot to be thankful for, and even though circumstances often baffle me the way they turn out; I know that with a good dose of patience and faith, I will come to see the hand of grace that was and is working behind the scenes. We learnt about sanctifying grace last night, and that’s what I pray will work in my life – for His grace to sanctify me and transform me into more like Christ. So that His values are my values; His delight, my delight.
Another thought: I’m really really blessed to have James with me. If I have to name one good thing that came out of my stint in Kimchi land, it would be meeting him. He’s been extremely patient, loving, caring, understanding, etc with all my nonsense and chao bin-ness. Yup. Good man must keep. Wahahaha
Yet another random thought: In my enthusiasm to sign-up for the 10km run (GE), I actually convinced some aunties in my co. to run the 5km fun run. So suddenly I’m the default lead-trainer who’s tasked with whipping everyone into shape for Oct. Dang. I can’t even drag my ass to the gym regularly enough…and now I’m supposed to plan the training schedule?!? I need help.